I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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