benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
