my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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