you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
