Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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