I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize