We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im on a boat
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