ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
