Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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