i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
