My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
