There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
