dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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