Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
