Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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