The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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