did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
