also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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