I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They have beer where we have blood.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
