is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
