Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
