The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
