just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How's work?
Spinning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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