i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
