We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
