the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
