So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
