Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
