you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
