i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
