Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize