I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
