I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
