she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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