I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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