She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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