upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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