2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
