I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
