I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dignity is for republicans.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
