how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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