im holly from the hills drunk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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