Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
