It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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