Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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