I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
