You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
