Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
