K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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