best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize