he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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