I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
