I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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