so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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