Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
