Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
