Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
