he wants to bone in the snuggie
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize