I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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