on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
