but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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