foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Boobs are out for the taking
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
