you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
