This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
