Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
