Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
