I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
