and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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