So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
