Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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