By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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