how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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