No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize