alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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