I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
