shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize