omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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